Conversations are interesting concepts and in relationships some conversations matter more than others.

When we meet someone we like we endeavour to connect, and at times we will continue to connect and we may eventually fall in love. But how do we fall in love?

We fall in love mostly by talking.

We have conversations, usually lots of them and it is this interest and this sharing of each other’s innermost thoughts and feelings through conversations that is a major part of how we begin to form our bond of love and how we maintain it.

So wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could have certain conversations that could give us a good idea about whether our love is likely to last and also enable us to better navigate through life’s challenges, surprises, joy and pain?

And wouldn’t it be wonderful if we’ve been in a relationship for years, to know what conversations we could have that would reenergise the connection and passion that first brought us together, but may have become routine?

The answers to which conversations are important to have, can be found in Eight

Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, written by John Gottman PHD

and Julie Schwartz Gottman PHD

Hi, I’m Hal Kennedy from Relationship Counselling Auckland and after 30 plus years

of counselling, coaching and supporting couples to make their relationships better I

know that the topics of conversation outlined in this book can strengthen and support

couples to do their relationships better. The book offers empowering ways to

discover the love you want and deserve, it is an extensively tested program of eight

fun, conversation-based dates which will result in a lifetime of understanding and

commitment, whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.

Because a happy relationship isn’t the result of having lots of things in common—as

we often think. It comes from knowing how to address your core differences in a way

that supports each other’s needs and dreams.

Here are the eight conversation-based dates for a lifetime of love:

1. Trust and Commitment. Trust is cherishing each other and showing your partner that you can be counted on. Choosing commitment means accepting your partner exactly as he or she is, despite their flaws.
2. Conflict. Conflict happens in every relationship, and it’s a myth to believe that in a happy relationship you’ll get along all the time. Relationship conflict serves a purpose. It’s an opportunity to get to know your partner better and to develop deeper intimacy as you talk about and work through your differences.
3. Sex and Intimacy. Romantic, intimate rituals of connection keep a relationship happy and passionate. Couples who talk about sex have more sex, but talking about sex is difficult for the majority of couples—it gets easier and more comfortable the more you do it.
4. Work and Money. Money issues aren’t about money. They’re about what money means to each partner in a relationship. Discovering what money means to both of you will go a long way in resolving the conflicts you may have around money.
5. Family. Approximately two-thirds of couples have a sharp drop in relationship satisfaction shortly after a child is born, and this drop gets deeper with each subsequent child. To avoid this drop in relationship happiness, conflict needs to be low and you need to maintain your sexual relationship.
6. Fun and Adventure. Play and adventure are vital components to a successful and joyful relationship. It’s okay if you and your partner have different ideas about what constitutes play and adventure. The key is for you to respect each other’s sense of adventure and what it means to that partner.
7. Growth and Spirituality. The only constant in a relationship is change. The key is how each person in the relationship accommodates the growth of the other partner. Relationships can be more than just two individuals coming together—they can be stories of transformation and great contribution and meaning to the world.
8. Dreams. Honouring each other’s dreams is the secret ingredient to creating love for a lifetime. When dreams are honoured, everything else in the relationship gets easier.

Every strong relationship is a result of a never-ending conversation between

partners. At Relationship Counselling Auckland I will guide you through how to

talk—and how to listen—in a way that will be beneficial for you both as an individual

and as a couple.

Every chapter includes fun and insightful anecdotes, along with exercises and

questionnaires meant to help both partners prepare.

At Relationship Counselling Auckland you can access the in depth support that will

enable you to become skilled at having those Essential Relationship Conversations

that generate a lifetime of love.

It is never too soon, or too late, to start a conversation.